Life was seemingly quite smooth sailing for a while. I have been busy making sure that I was running like I well oiled machine. I was to a point where I was a bit lost in contemplation. I was starting to get fidgety and restless longing for more out of my life. It came with a feeling of uneasiness that gave me mild anxiety. It was a feeling of dread with a bit of excitement. The excitement part was understandable but the dread gave me fear. I chose to ignore the dread because I had no idea what my being was feeling. It was like an intuition and vibration from the universe. It always gives me the creeps because I’m scared of my reactions to what will be.
I had worked so hard to get to that point. I have been doing so much growth at a personal level to be able to better handle life and it’s roller coaster states that it brings at times. I have learn to enjoy the stagnant parts as time to regain footing and energy for what is to come. All my work provided me with a state of grown confidence in my ability to handle the negative in my life. I am to a point where I have more calmness about it. I beleive it came from my trust in myself to be able to handle it. I have found that fretting over something that as not happened yet is futile. A lesson of life that came to me the hard way. I’m a born worrier. I’m also scared of many things, but the worst is my fear of the future.
Past experiences led me that way. My focus, then, was on the negative part of it. Stagnating and stewing over a situation never fixed anything. I used to be one of those. I haven’t fully left that nest and will still fret over a situation but I’m much faster to get into a solution mode. I am very blessed to have had the right people escorting me along the way. More people keep showing up to push me through things. I have a grown faith that I have what it takes to get through hardships. I also have an understanding that there are lessons to be taken in any situations
I have been humbled in a big way lately. I had been going on my high horse for a while feeling better than tho. I knew this had to stop but I had not idea how. Life took care of it in a big way! I was quick to revert into my bad habit of self pity. I was mad at myself to found myself there again. Darn habits! I knew I needed to get the heck of of there and quick. I talked it out with trusted people and allowed myself in self pity for only a short while which granted me a few sleepless nights and a load of unwanted anxiety. After the first day of it, all the preparation work kicked in. There was no way I was letting this situation reck me. I know I am stronger than that and I know I can do better.
The pay off came. The hard work worked. A previous situation I had found myself in a year prior gave me the needed lesson to revert a second situation that arise. It started off bad but a bit of thinking and remembering lessons gave me the opportunity to challenge myself and turn a situation that could have had potentially being devastating into a positive opportunity. Nothing like having an enemy turning into an ally. I was able to learn needed information through this new found opportunity. I am pleased with myself for being more opened to learning and teaching. When the student is ready, the teacher appear is the saying.
One lesson that have been quite beneficial is learning to not judge people and find there strengths and use them as an advantage. I am not talking about using people but respecting them enough to find the positive about them and seeing what they have to offer. I have learned that a bit of respect and good attitude goes a long way with people. I had tried this in the past but I guess I was not ready because I had not being able to achieve what I have now. It’s a great big gift that I have been given. I found so much more positive in my life at this time that I would have never dreamed of in the prior years. My life is not without its hiccups and ups and downs. Far from it. But it the attitude I have towards it is totally turned around. I’m loving it and cherish is. It does change so much of my life that I strive to preserve this new attitude.
Another lesson learned is that giving to others without depriving myself is a good thing to do. The goal is to give without expecting back. It doesn’t give any brownies points but its got a feel good aspect to it. My current lesson is to work toward that goal. I know I can give but I give to my detriment. I have to learn to do it without hurting myself. This includes learning to graciously saying no when it my put me in a less than ideal situation.
Life is such a delicate balance. Achieving that precarious middle way is complicated. There’s no manual to it. Everyone’s story is different. The balance is bound to go either way. It would be great if it was to be on the positive way at all times but how would one grow staying there. I mean growth in many ways. How do you better one self if not encouraged to be? How to change a life situation when one is not pushed? How do one achieve their dreams if they are not challenged to do so? Many things to ponder about. So many teachings are available if one is willing to listen. I’m the first one guilty of not earing messages that are sent my way. Then after a bunch of repetitions, if it’s still not heard, a change seem to occur. My current lesson is to try to better listen to those message and to pay better attention to what is sent my way. I want to be better at being kind, respectful and supportive to other no matter what situation they are in. I can do better!
Bike in Time 